Tags
bitterness, Blind Man, Blindness, God, John 9, Lysa Terkeurst, Vision
I’m standing, walking around my house because all I do is sit in front of the computer these days due to distance learning. I am reading Lysa Terkeurst’s new book, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget. (Buy it – you won’t regret it!) I’m struck by something that she points out on page 40. She is talking about the healing of the blind man in John 9 (I also recommend going and reading all of John 9). Here’s what she says,
“We don’t read much regarding the blind man’s thoughts about others around him. But we do read that the disciples very much wanted to know whose actions caused the blindness. Someone needed to be blamed. Someone was at fault.
Jesus blew this assumption apart. He didn’t place blame or shame on anyone. He said that this man’s blindness ‘happened so that the works of God might be displayed on him’ (John 9:3)”
This year my words are patience and understanding – which applies to much more than what I am writing about. I am still trying to understand why God has me on this journey – the journey of being a single mom. One that I never imagined that I would be on – EVER. When I was growing up I was that girl that did all the things right. I was the one that followed God unquestionably, went to church at every opportunity, and always felt guilty when I broke the rules. My mom tells me stories about how I would discipline myself when I did something wrong. I mean who does that?! ME… I do that because it’s something that I still do even today. I do something that I know in my heart wasn’t right, and I will “discipline” myself for it. Doesn’t matter what it was, I will have guilt until I make it right. Strive to live graciously, and at peace and love big.
So here I am, this “goodie goodie” walking down one of the most “shameful” roads that I can think of. (It’s not, truly, but it’s what I used to think.) And when I read that… I felt like I was just hit in the face by a 2×4…
I AM THE BLIND MAN.
Say whaaaaaaat?! How can I be the blind man, when my eyes work perfectly fine. He was blind since birth – I’ve never even needed glasses! I can see color, texture, the computer/screen that I am using to type these exact words… I can see everything.
But can I really?
Can I see the deeper meaning to things?
Do I have the vision that God is wanting me to have?
Nope… I am the blind man.
I have been blinded by my grief, and my bitterness that keeps creeping up at the most inopportune times. Blinded by my lack of forgiveness – even though I “feel” like I’ve already forgiven. Blinded by the “why am I here” pity party that I throw myself. Blinded by so much… stuff. I had to read those words – literally out loud – in order to fully see. God has been here the whole time, trying to wash my eyes with the spit filled dirt, and I have been pushing his hands out of the way because I just wanted to see. Me… on my own… without your help God. I wanted to see.
Why do we do that?
I prayed for God to give me vision, to give me clarity – and He answered me. I prayed for it. I heard it and listened to it. I received it. I believe it. And now I need to continue to put it into action and pay it forward. I want to show others the hard truths that I have learned so maybe it will help soften the blow for when you have a 2×4 smack you in the face.
I will fall off the horse, I will lose my sight again – but God will always be there with the spit filled dirt to wash my eyes clean and so I can see Him again.
No matter what… God’s got this, always.