Here we go again.
Are we going to survive?
Distance learning sucks.
16 Monday Nov 2020
Posted 2020, covid, distance learning, Life, Persistence, Real, teaching
inHere we go again.
Are we going to survive?
Distance learning sucks.
14 Saturday Nov 2020
Posted bitterness, Divorce, Encouragement, faith, Grief, I won't give up, Persistence, Surrender
inFear. Doubt. Uncertainty. Anger. Bitterness. Worry. Questions…everything from my worth to am I really strong enough to walk this path?
These are old friends of mine. I am familiar with their cunning ways. They sneak up behind me and whisper in my ear when I’m least expecting it. They try to knock me down – especially when things are finally coming together or when I’m in my happy place – my kitchen- making a venison bone broth, cookies, or whatever it is I decide to cook/bake. I ask them, “Why are you here again?” They pause… and they remind me of all my short comings. Sometimes they are so loud, and make me feel like I’m on the edge of falling apart.
My mind is my own worst enemy.
I know these aren’t my truths.
I know all these things that I am feeling… it’s another wave of grief. Why am I not done with you yet? I have to remind myself that I will not remain here. I have to sit in them. I have to learn from them. Sometimes I have to ugly cry before I can pick myself back up, and take another step forward. I reach out to my trusted friends to see if they will just sit in the hard with me. Just let me talk, cry, vent until the grief goes away.
I have to yell at God… again. He can take it, right? Jesus gets it. He wept. He got angry. He felt all the human emotions, and that brings me comfort in the grieving.
So, who is your “old friend”?
Feel it and then release it.
10 Tuesday Nov 2020
Posted Encouragement, faith, foundation, Grace, Hebrews, Provision, Struggle, Truth
inA friend of mine sent me this picture the other day. I was so taken by the beauty, it instantly made me want to write. This truly brings peace to my soul. I was reminded of Hebrews 11:1 “Faith shows the reality of what we hope for; it is the evidence of things we cannot see.”
This may just be a normal run of the mill picture to some people, but to me this represents my life’s journey. The tracks represent where I’ve been, and where I’m supposed to go. The represent my reality, my desire to escape or to move on. They are the things that I can see, the things that I can touch, the things that are so easy to believe in because they are right there. But as I look deeper into the picture the tracks fade into the horizon and “reality” becomes a bit hazy, a bit scary because I don’t know what is ahead. That’s when my faith kicks in. I have to force myself to continue moving forward even when the uncertainty prevails. (And let’s be honest the amount of uncertainty we have ALL faced this year is ridiculous!) I look behind me and see that the tracks have been steady on my journey, they have led me to where I am right now. They never failed me, never gave up on me. It may have gotten bumpy along the way, but the tracks were a solid foundation to bring me to the point I am at right now. (The tracks represent my relationship with my God – my faith, my hope, the never wavering, steadfast belief that God’s got this).
God will never make a promise that he won’t keep. I can look back on my life and undoubtedly see his faithfulness and goodness all through my journey. Did I want the bad parts to happen? Nope, not even one little bit. But God is so good. Even though his plan for my life may have taken a sharp turn and has taken longer than I want – if I stay on the tracks – I will never be led astray. My confidence is in the hope that God’s timing is perfect, that his wisdom will continually guide me. (Romans 8: 24-25). It would be so easy for me to derail from God’s goodness – winds of temptation are all around me. I have to keep my eyes focused on the end of the tracks – on his plan. Because He is better than anything I could hope for or imagine. I can only see as far as my humanness will allow me, and I have to keep moving forward in order to see where the end of the tracks take me.
01 Sunday Nov 2020
Posted Uncategorized
inLife in general is hard.
Life post-divorce is a different level of hard.
Life in 2020 is yet another level.
I was driving yesterday to Taylors Falls and the road construction 35W is ever changing. A thought hit me, that life (no matter the journey) is a lot like this stupid road construction. Ever changing and unpredictable, but necessary to be a better functioning road. One day the road goes straight, then the next it sways to the right and then all of the sudden the cones are up – this way is now blocked off and you have to take a long, out of the way detour. It’s frustrating… it throws you off and all you want to do is sit and stare into oblivion because this was not the plan. We might look up to the sky and say “Come on, God! Where are you in this?? Why are you making me go on this road when THAT road over there is where I want to be??” Do you think He laughs at us? Shakes his head and says, “Oh Child, if you could only see what I have for you down THIS road… TRUST ME.”
My word for 2020 is TRUST. I didn’t know fully what that word would mean for this year, but it was definitely NOT what has played out. How do we trust when the way we’ve always done life explodes in our face? We have lived through a major pandemic (and still are), riots and unrest in our own backyard, a very unstable election that has polarized the nation. How are we supposed to keep trusting that good will come? And then not to mention all the normal day to day stuff everyone is dealing with: job losses, loss of lives, normal run of the mills colds that are now causing panic, uncertainty with school, relationship struggles (always), learning how to get along with others who don’t share your same views, biases, life choices. The weight of life this year is epic. It’s scary, it’s uncertain…
But it’s also eye opening, amazing, and full of beauty. We just have to look for it. We have to allow God to show us his perspective and not just stay on the side of the road when we want to go one way but God, life takes us another.
We need to ask ourselves right now what lessons do we need to learn from this year. How can I be more empathetic towards others? How can I help more? What do I need to let go of to be a better person, to love well instead of feeling the need to prove my rightness? How do I do this well for my kids? What habits do I need to change? What ugly in my heart needs to be taken care of so I CAN do this well… so I can do the hard things? Where do I need to slow down, listen, and watch for His direction?
I have no answers, but I do know that as long as I continue to give all the things to God he will show me the way.