~ I am first and foremost a daughter of the Most high King, a single mom who survives on coffee and Jesus, and someone who likes to think they have it all together but really has no clue. Welcome to my ramblings…
I was driving yesterday to Taylors Falls and the road construction 35W is ever changing. A thought hit me, that life (no matter the journey) is a lot like this stupid road construction. Ever changing and unpredictable, but necessary to be a better functioning road. One day the road goes straight, then the next it sways to the right and then all of the sudden the cones are up – this way is now blocked off and you have to take a long, out of the way detour. It’s frustrating… it throws you off and all you want to do is sit and stare into oblivion because this was not the plan. We might look up to the sky and say “Come on, God! Where are you in this?? Why are you making me go on this road when THAT road over there is where I want to be??” Do you think He laughs at us? Shakes his head and says, “Oh Child, if you could only see what I have for you down THIS road… TRUST ME.”
My word for 2020 is TRUST. I didn’t know fully what that word would mean for this year, but it was definitely NOT what has played out. How do we trust when the way we’ve always done life explodes in our face? We have lived through a major pandemic (and still are), riots and unrest in our own backyard, a very unstable election that has polarized the nation. How are we supposed to keep trusting that good will come? And then not to mention all the normal day to day stuff everyone is dealing with: job losses, loss of lives, normal run of the mills colds that are now causing panic, uncertainty with school, relationship struggles (always), learning how to get along with others who don’t share your same views, biases, life choices. The weight of life this year is epic. It’s scary, it’s uncertain…
But it’s also eye opening, amazing, and full of beauty. We just have to look for it. We have to allow God to show us his perspective and not just stay on the side of the road when we want to go one way but God, life takes us another.
We need to ask ourselves right now what lessons do we need to learn from this year. How can I be more empathetic towards others? How can I help more? What do I need to let go of to be a better person, to love well instead of feeling the need to prove my rightness? How do I do this well for my kids? What habits do I need to change? What ugly in my heart needs to be taken care of so I CAN do this well… so I can do the hard things? Where do I need to slow down, listen, and watch for His direction?
I have no answers, but I do know that as long as I continue to give all the things to God he will show me the way.
Where do I even begin? I haven’t written in a while and that’s probably because I feel like the year 2015 was my rock bottom. I had so much going on in my life, personally and spiritually, that it was spinning wildly out of control. There was no end in sight to the wild spin that my life had taken on. Thankfully, 2016 has brought about change. Refreshing change. Change that has needed to happen for a really long time- I was just too afraid to take that step of faith and move toward that change. So, let me bring you all up to speed…
2015 – Have you ever hit rock bottom? It’s a super scary place to be. Especially when you are a believer or a non-believer. Especially when you are married or when you are single. Especially when you have kids or no kids. Especially when you have NOTHING LEFT. Be ready for open and honest. My marriage almost ended last year. Bam! There’s my rock bottom…
So many things led up to my hubby and I almost walking out on one another. So. Many. Things. And in this day and age when the going gets tough people walk out. They leave the hard stuff behind – only to walk into more hard stuff. It’s unbelievable how fast things spun out of control, and literally before my very eyes. People said, and still say, that I am a good and loving wife. They saw that I was, and still am, a caring mom. That I had a house to live in (even though it was falling apart and NOT at all where God wanted us to be anymore), and that I tried to keep it somewhat clean. They saw what I want them to see. They never saw the ugly. The mom that would lose it because of spilled milk. The wife that would say things because she was hurt or annoyed. No one saw the imperfect – the ugly. Cause, let’s be honest, we live in a world that is full of “perfect”… social media makes sure that everyone has this unattainable expectation that they have to meet and if they don’t meet it then you are worthless. I found myself as worthless. I found myself as someone that I didn’t want to be around anymore. So, if I didn’t even want to be around me… why would anyone else?
2016 – With the new year I felt like we had the ability to just scratch 2015 from existence and move on with life.
I had a renewed sense of fight in me. I no longer wanted to give up on my marriage, on my family. And I knew that my hubby felt the same way. I am beyond grateful for my best friends that I trust with my life… who are praying on their knees for my marriage now and for when it was in it’s darkest hours. It is a long battle, and it will be fought with blood, sweat, lots of tears, and more prayers than I can count. Looking back I see that we (my hubby and I) let Satan in to do whatever he wanted. I read something from the book Anything, by Jennie Allen. It’s from a pastor that spoke to her and her husband. It really resonated with me, and I would like to share it with you…
“If I was the devil, I’d tell you what I’d do. I would try to deceive you and get you into error. I would get you off base. And if you still stayed true (to God and your beliefs)*, I would try to disqualify you. I would get you immoral, I would get you where no one would believe what came out of your mouth. I would make you a tabloid, where nobody would believe you. I would remove your confidence until you were afraid to speak because your life was such a shamble. I would get you into sin. I would prowl like a roaring lion to devour you morally.
And if I couldn’t do that, I would try to make you successful. And I would distract you if I couldn’t disqualify you. I would get you busy. I would get you so distracted to the gospel that no longer would your prayers be about holiness and souls. They would only be about the bottom line in your business. I would get you materialistic, and no longer concerned about the spiritual nature of you life. If I couldn’t do that, I would divide you. If I couldn’t divide you, I’ve almost lost you. You know what I’d do then? I’d discourage you. And then if I couldn’t discourage you, I’d try death. I would try my best to kill you. That’s what I would do to take you out.” *italics are my adding* (So, was this written just for me? This is everything I have felt!)
Take a listen to a song that explains all of this…. Music speaks to me.
The father of lies has done a number on me. But did you hear the song?! Even though the devil sings his song over me…he may even have his demons doing his dirty work on my heart…whispering their lies into my ear over and over again till I can’t hear anything else. They whisper in my ear until I’m no longer talking to my God but that I am talking to the devil himself. Having a fight with him over how terrible of a person I am. He was doing a heck of a job at that last year and up until yesterday (If I’m being brutally honest)- when my totally awesome cousin talked, prayed, and listened to me… But the father of lies has forgotten the refrain. The refrain that JESUS SAVES!! I no longer have to live the lies that the devil in whispering into my ear. I have the redemption of Jesus to save me, my marriage, and my family. This demon that has attacked me since I was young telling me that I am worthless… no longer has it’s hold on me. He has been kicked – well I’m in the process of kicking him – to the curb because Jesus has saved me. I HAVE to start listening to Jesus, reading his WORD and pouring it over every aspect of my life. It’s almost like I have Jesus on one shoulder and the devil on the other, and I was listening to the devil more. He was louder. I couldn’t hear the truth above the lies. I want to take my finger and flick the devil off my shoulder and tell him he no longer has power, in Jesus name.
I am so far from where I am supposed to be in my “walk”. But Jesus has been right where He wants me. He wants me to struggle – because in the times of struggle that’s when you grow the most. You reach out to those you trust and ask them to challenge you. I want to encourage you that if you are finding yourself far from God that there’s only one thing you have to do. You just have to reach your hand up and say I’m sorry Father, here I am. You just have to fall on your knees and Jesus will pick you up and carry you. He doesn’t want to see me or you as a crumpled mess on the floor trying to figure out this thing called life. He wants us to reach out to him so he can shows us all that life is supposed to be. No more allowing the father of lies to direct my steps and thoughts…
“It’s only God who moves my heart. He chases me down and lures me back to him; while I am running to everyone else, he runs after me. God brings me back to the place where it fares well with me, reminding me he is my husband. There is no spinning, no fear, only perfect acceptance and peace.” Anything, by Jennie Allen p. 38
Marriage is not for the faint of heart. It takes hard work to make it work. After almost 10 years of marriage, I am still no expert on how to make marriage work perfectly, the way that God designed it to be. It seems like when you are in a dark valley in your marriage, you slowly start to turn your backs on one another and start picking at all the little things, and then the little things turn into massively huge big things. You end up forgetting that this person is supposed to be your partner. You end up forgetting that this person is who you can trust above anyone else. You might end up becoming complacent with one another, and start taking the other for granted and living as roommates. And once you get to that point you really need to take a huge step back and re-evaluate where you are going. You have to start making the choice right then and there to believe the best about them and why you are married to them. You have to do whatever it takes to get back on the same path and walking side by side.
If you don’t start working on yourself, your marriage, on the heart issue that has grown between the two of you… bitterness with grow where the fruit once did. Instead of being in a lush garden full of ripe fruit and soft green grass… you will find that you are living in a barren land. The grass has withered away, the fruit has dried up, and you look at your spouse wondering how you got there. In my opinion, a big reason is because you stopped working, you stopped winning and pursuing your spouse. You stopped trying, cherishing, honoring, supporting, sacrificing for each other. These are some of the most detrimental things that can happen in a marriage today. Because once you start living in complacency… Satan will come in and whisper those lies in your ears that “nothing will ever get better. You’re going to be stuck here forever… why don’t you start looking over here. I bet you will find what you are looking for over here.
When there is a major conflict in your marriage and you find yourself in this barren land… you have to come together and look up. You have to look to Jesus and realize that he is the only one that can get you through. I can just picture Jesus looking down from heaven and shaking his head as he sees you try to muddle your way through the valley on your own. We are not meant to go through this life without Jesus and his guidance over our life. When we start allowing other things to become more important than our marriage or our relationship with God that is when things go down hill quick. Kids, work, FaceBook, Pinterest, Blogging… all of this gets in the way and will cause conflict. All of these can become idols. Sometimes the conflict will be minor and you’ll be able to have a quick chat about it and move on. But sometimes it will be so major that you need to have outside help, and that’s OK! Either way, you have to re-evaluate your priorities and interests so that nothing gets in the way of your oneness in marriage.
So, how do we “fix” our marriages so they reflect what God wants them to be? I honestly have no idea. Everyone faces different challenges in their marriages. What feels like something minor to one couple might be something MAJOR to another. But here are a few things that I have been working on in my marriage and maybe it will give you a gentle push in the right direction…
1. READ THE BIBLE! I find that when my life is starting to fall apart it’s because I have neglected reading my Bible. I have neglected my relationship with my Heavenly Father so my earthly relationships are going to suffer because of that. Get back into the Word, and you will find the peace and guidance that you need to ride the waves.
2. Find a trusted friend that can help you organize your thoughts, your emotions. Because when you are in the middle of a rough patch you don’t always think clearly. And for me I tend to go overboard and just suffocate instead of stepping back and letting God back into the center of my life and my marriage. The Holy Spirit needs to fill your life again and the only way to do is by having someone breathing that back into you (at least for me).
3. Figure out what one another’s love languages are. There are some great resources out there that can help you figure these out. Either reading the book 5 Love Languages or taking the Love Languages quiz online. My hubby and I struggle filling one another’s love tanks on a daily basis. I am Words of Affirmation and he is Acts of Service. I tend to pour words into my hubby on a daily basis because that is what comes natural to me, but I need to pour other things into him. Like making his breakfast and lunch for the day… making sure the house is clean when he comes home (yeah this is on the “work on it” list)… keep up with the laundry (also on the “work on it” list)… make sure dinner is ready when he comes home.
4. Don’t be ashamed to go to counseling. Sometimes the hardest thing is taking that first step and admitting that maybe this conflict is bigger than what you can handle on your own. If you call your church, or a church in the area they should have great references for Christian Counselors.
5. Figure out an action plan that will help you no longer be complacent. For me, I have done a few things. I am in the middle of reading Lysa TerKeurst’s book Unglued and it has helped more than anything so far. I tend to come very “unglued” when things are out of my control and that I don’t have an easy solution. So when Lysa challenges me to make a procedure manual that will help me through my unglued weakness I am going to be all over that! I wrote down my 5 steps, and hung them in my kitchen to help me remember and speak truth into my soul.
6. Listen to worship music. This will immerse your mind on God’s truth instead of sitting in the anxiety of your situation.
Just because I am doing these 6 things doesn’t make the road smooth. It is still a battle daily to make your marriage the best that it can be! But they sure to help you keep perspective on what is true, and on what is important. And there is nothing in this world that is more important than my relationship with Christ, and with my husband. Once those two are where they should be all other things fall into place.
I know that right now you are wishing that fairy godmother’s existed. You are wishing that you could make that one wish to have all your dreams come true with the flick of a magic wand. You might be wishing that you could take back something that you said out anger. You might be wishing that you could take away that one horrible mistake that was made by you or your other half. You might be wishing that things would be back to the way they once were. You might be wishing for that do-over… that “let’s start from scratch” moment. You might be wishing that the fear, the disappointment, the trials, the failures, the despair, the depression, the anxiety, the rejection, the insecurity, the <fill in the blank> would just go away. Forever.
Oh, how I wish that I could wrap my arms around you so tight and tell you that everything is going to be alright. How I wish that I could take away all the pain. The pain that you have shoved and buried deep in your soul. That pain that you don’t want anyone else to see ever. How I wish I could wipe away all the tears that have been shed, and all the tears that will be shed. How I wish that I could say that it will get better. Oh how I wish I could take your feelings of brokenness away and patch up the scars that you think define who you are. Oh, how I wish…
Sometimes life just really sucks. Sometimes life deals you a really, really crappy hand. Sometimes life just doesn’t ever feel like it will return to normal. Sometimes life makes you feel like you are living on a broken record with no way of getting off the endless spinning. It’s in those times of pure and utter madness that you need to remember who you are…
Oh, my dear sweet girl, nothing ever makes sense in the midst of the storm. The nightmare that you are walking through might be something you feel like you won’t ever wake up from. You feel alone… so alone. You might feel like you are unloved… or worse unloveable. You are suffocating from the fears, from the darkness that consumes you.
But in that extreme darkness, there is hope… Even when you don’t see it. There is always hope. When these storms come up, sweet girl, you always have a choice. You have to choice to walk through the storm with you God, your husband, your trusted friends. You have the choice to know that God’s got this even when we can’t see the end…even in the times when you can’t believe you have to walk through this storm again. God’s got this. Will it be easy? No way. Will it be the hardest thing you have ever done? You bet! Will it be worth it in the end? Always.
You are not called to walk through life with the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are called to cast your anxiety on Him, and know that He will take these burdens from you. He will carry them. He already nailed them to the cross and all you have to do is let go of the hammer and trust that He really does have this whole thing under control, sweet girl. I wish that I could help you ease the burden, but I can’t. Only you have the power to let go, and let God take control. And once you have let go… it will be amazing to see how far God can take you, take your husband, your marriage, and your family.
Trust that you will overcome whatever you are struggling with. Know you are loved. Know you are lovable. Know that you can let go of the control and that things will work out according to God’s design. He won’t fail you.
It’s 2am and I can’t shut my mind off. My dog needed to go out because she refused to pee before going to bed in the pouring rain… but can I really blame her? Would you like to do your business while being pelted with the pouring rain? Probably not… So, I let her out and now my mind won’t shut off. This is one of the worst things. Why does it feel like your mind always wanders to doom and worst case scenarios… OR your never ending to-do list for the next day?
Tonight my mind is going to doom and devastation. It’s almost like PTSD… Reliving the worse thing you have ever gone through. And I say ALMOST because I don’t actually have PTSD. I really don’t know what PTSD is like so maybe this is nothing like it. (I am in no way trying to offend people who suffer with PTSD, these are just my thoughts in the middle of the night.) I suffer from anxiety which can flare up at any given moment and just drives me crazy. I don’t know… give me grace it’s 2:15 in the morning and my mind plays tricks on me.
Every time I set my phone down to say “No more, it’s time to go to sleep” and I close my eyes and get all comfortable my mind starts going again and I think of something else to say for the blog. And if I don’t write it down at that moment I will most undoubtably forget come sunrise. Why can’t someone invent something that you can wear on your head that records your thoughts at night… So people like me can lay in bed and think and drift off to sleep and not have to worry that come morning all my good ideas will be gone?
You know what really sucks and wreaks havoc on my sleepy mind is when you are having a rough patch in your marriage. Nothing is worse that hitting a bump. A big bump, a little bump, a colossal bump… doesn’t really matter really. It’s a bump that you know you will get over in time, but a bump that seems to be never ending. A bump that won’t go away… or you think that it does and then you hit gravel from the first bumps cast off and start sliding all over the place again.
Why does marriage have to be so dang hard? God created it… So it should be good right? But nothing this side of heaven is easy. Don’t get me wrong my marriage is something that God designed and I couldn’t ask for a better partner to do life with. He completes me and makes me think and challenges me and loves me through the good and bad times. But seeing as we are two completely imperfect people trying to raise three imperfect little people… things are bound to be hard, mistakes will happen, misunderstandings will take place, and rough patches will be had. Sometimes those rough patches last longer than I would want, but I guess that’s all apart of the refining process that God makes us go through, right? I just wish it didn’t have to get SO HOT while refining.
So, what exactly am I supposed to learn through this rough patch, this refining process? A refining process that seems to be never ending by the way…
1. Never, never, never jump to an accusatory conclusion… hear them out, and believe what they say… I tend to make things up in my head and then believe them to be true. So then when my hubby tries to explain things and correct my incorrect thinking my mind fights against it because I have created this “truth” in my head already.
2. Drop it unless it’s life or death… I need to continually learn to pick my battles. I tend to feel like everything needs to be a battle. Not really a good thing! Proverbs 21:23 “Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.” Yep this is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I can never seems to keep my mouth shut. I am an exploder and need to get that under control!
3. I desperately want to be gentle in my responses to situations or words spoken. I fail at this all the time…when speaking to my husband, and when speaking to my children. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” My goal during this time of refining is to strive for 1 Peter 3:4 “You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
I am not feeling precious in anything I do these days. My spirit is in such turmoil, but I must trust in the process and know that at the end of it all… I will be even closer to the woman, wife, mother, daughter that God wants me to be! I just have to learn how to stop fighting the process and just release all my anxiety and burdens to Him.
This song. It’s just what I needed to hear this morning. My hubby and I have said so many times that if Shane and Shane brought out an album that just sings the phone book we would buy it in a heartbeat! This song is so much of everything that I have been feeling lately. I have been feeling torn down and tossed. But even in those times I will praise my Jesus because He is all I need. Everything that John Piper says it what my heart needed to hear. Even though we go through trials and rough times… None of it is meaningless. It all means something. It all brings you closer to God, closer to the path that He wants you on. He is refining you and molding you, constantly molding you. This side of heaven will never be what we want it to be. There will always be pain and suffering but God will always fight with us and for us. And we will always be victorious in His Name.
I copied the lyrics of this song down because as you listen to them sing and hear John Piper speak you can read them and let it speak to your heart…
I come, God, I come
I return to the Lord
The one who’s broken
The one who’s torn me apart
You strike down to bind me up
You say you do it all in love
That I might know you in your suffering
Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
My heart and flesh may fail
The earth below give way
But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord
Lifted high on that day
Behold, the Lamb that was slain
And I’ll know every tear was worth it all
Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
Though tonight I’m crying out
Let this cup pass from me now
You’re still more than I need
You’re enough for me
You’re enough for me
[Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.
I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.
When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.
Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.]
Though you slay me
Yet I will praise you
Though you take from me
I will bless your name
Though you ruin me
Still I will worship
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
If you would like to hear the sermon by John Piper… please feel free to listen and let God speak!
I think this past week I have sat down to write a post about 6 or 7 times! I know what I want to say, but it’s just stuck. I am mentally constipated with things that I was to say, things that I need to get out to just process and feel better! Writing is therapy and when I can’t get out what I need to I start getting bogged down and the demons that have plagued me my whole life start coming back with a vengeance…And then over-thinking happens…
I have been an over-thinker my whole life. I hear something or see something and then my mind twists it into something that isn’t true and then it ruins me. So, this post is for me. It’s my mental dump. It’s going to be everything that has bogged me down the past few weeks so I can get it out and move on.
So, here goes nothing….This may be long so if you make it to the end… bless you and thank you for sticking with me!
1. How are we as women supposed to live up to what is expected of us day and night? Maybe it is just me having incredibly high standards to what my life is supposed to look like and how it’s supposed to be done. I feel like I am supposed to be everything to my kids. I am supposed to be everything or my husband. I am supposed to meet everyone’s needs the minute they need it. I am a house cleaner, a nurse, a therapist, a bouncer, a teacher, a mother, a wife, a chauffeur, a….the list goes on and on… I write about feeling inadequate a lot! Satan really knows where I am weakest and know where to attack and when. I KNOW that I am good enough. I KNOW that this is exactly where I am supposed to be. I KNOW I am exactly who my husband needs me to be, but I just can’t help but hear the lies being whispered in my ear that I will never make the cut.
2. Trust. Such a small word. A small word with a HUGE meaning. Trust is a gift that you give away to only a precious few. Trust is meaningful and it’s special and it’s so incredibly important. But once that trust has been broken…. the consequences that follow are life changing. Once trust has been shattered… You try to put the pieces back together but they don’t fit quite right and they never will. There may be pieces missing and so now there are holes. Or you found all the pieces and it’s just being help together so delicately that the lightest of breezes may knock it over. So, you put up a wall to guard your trust. If you guard it… it can’t break again, right? But when the breeze blows it’s start to wobble, and then all hell breaks loose.
3. Ever get the feeling like it’s time for a brand new start? Time to see where life will take you? Time to see what God can do with your leap of faith?
I’ve been feeling like that for a while now. Like God is going to do something huge… and soon. My hubby was out of town last week (and boy was that tough… but that’s for another day)… and when he’s gone it gives me time to think. Sometimes it’s good to think and sometimes it’s not. But these past few weeks as thoughts have swarmed through my mind I can’t help but feel like God is wanting to shake things up a bit! Like he is preparing my hubby and I for something big. I texted my hubby and told him that I think God is going to ask us to do something major soon with no questions asked. We are going to have to jump in with both feet and TRUST (there’s that word again… TRUST). God tends to speak to me quietly and then progressively gets louder until he’s practically shouting in my ear! I think that he is on the verge of shouting.
I don’t know what it is that God wants us to do… But I think that it may involve a move and a heck of a lot of trust.
4. I started a new business with one of my dear friends. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate already… I thought that I would add more to it! You should check out my site http://www.perfectlyposh.com/heathersposhmeup
5. There’s so much more, but I can’t sit here all day.
I love my hubby fiercely and will live my life loving on him. We’ve been talking about what it means to respect our husband’s in some previous posts. But I thought that it would be fun to write about why I strive to respect my hubby daily. I say strive because I am still a work in progress and fail at showing him respect at times. But I just wanted to share some of my reasons with you!
1. He loves Jesus, and believes in Him with his whole heart.
2. He loves me unconditionally (even when I seem completely irrational).
3. He works hard for our family so I can stay at home with our 3 kids.
4. He loves our children with all of his heart.
5. He faithfully teaches our boy how to respect and love on the ladies in his life. He teaches him what it means to be a gentleman.
6. He supports me in what I am passionate about.
7. He helps calm me when I am anxious about something.
8. He has a never ending amount of patience with the kids and I. Especially when we are pushing his buttons!
9. He has my back at all times, and will defend me when needed.
10. He is prayerful over major family decisions.
11. He includes me in on those major family decisions.
12. Church is a priority every Saturday night.
13. He proves his faithfulness to me.
14. He is constantly loving on me and trying to “figure” me out. (Since I am a girl… it’s hard to figure out because we are always changing our minds!) 😉
15. He reassures me when I am struggling, and helps to guide me to what is truth!
16. He still knows how to make me laugh.
17. His hugs make everything better and my problems melt away.
I am sure there are many, many more but these are the ones that I thought of off the top of my head. I think that it is so important to us wives to remember why we respect our husbands. Not because we are commanded to, but because we WANT to.
So what are some reasons why you choose to respect your husband? Feel free to comment! We’d love to read them 🙂
My family and I just returned from a 16 day road trip so I apologize for my absence! But I am back and am excited to start posting again :). It’s always nice to get away from the normal routine of life and just be a family without much responsibility to work and bills. Granted all of that is there waiting for you once you get home, but it’s great to have a break.
Anyway, one of the days that we were gone 2 of my kids came down with a terrible bout of the stomach flu. We had just finished a 14 hour long drive and got to my in laws house and my sweet stuff got super sick. We were up all night long, and then my Mr. man came down with it. So my hubby and I were doing every thing we could think of to make them comfortable in between throwing up and it coming out the other end. I made my hubby go to sleep after he cleaned up the carpet. One of us needed to get some sleep so we could function for our oldest daughter (who miraculously didn’t get sick!). But I write tell this to you because tending to sick kids is hard work! We pour every ounce of energy, time, wisdom into them getting better. It’s always a huge sigh of relief knowing you have made it through a tough night of sickness.
Sometimes we get sick and have to take time off of work to get better and rest. Sometimes our kids gets sick and we have to take time again to help them get back to their healthy, happy selves. Sometime our pets get sick and we need to clean up after them and help hem to get better as well. And SOMETIMES out marriages get sick. And what is our first response when we see that our marriage is sick? Do we stop and assess what we are doing to make it sick? Do we pin point the problem and try to mend it back together? Do we just ignore it and hope that it will get better on its own? OR do you just walk away and give up and not even try to make it better? I wonder how much better off our marriages would be if we actually took the time to mend the sickness and bring it back to health.
I know that my hubby and I have been through some really rough times. When we got married we vowed that divorce was never going to be an option no matter what we faced. And it will never be. We will fight for our marriage. We will fight for what we know is God breathed. I want to be like this old couple…
I feel like today people are afraid to fight. If our phone breaks we just go to the store and buy another one. If a plate breaks we just toss it into the garbage and replace it with a new one of the same set. Sometimes if it’s not broken too bad we’ll glue it back together but then it’s not as pretty as it once was. It has some scars. If a relationship starts to break we (in the general sense) will just walk away, or sometimes run away. We don’t want to put the effort into making it stronger. I want my kids to be able to say that my hubby and I fixed everything that was broken and fought for it, and that we wear our scars proudly. I want to be able to use those scars to help others grow. I want my kids to say that we fought for a real marriage with real love. In 1 John 3:18 it says “Let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love.” I want my hubby, my kids to know that I loved with every fiber of my being. In my new favorite book When A Woman Inspires Her Husband by Cindi McMenamin she talks about loving our husbands as God loves us, and gives examples of different loves that we we should shower him with. I’ll just briefly mention them here…
1. “Show him sacrificial love”…. Meaning show him that you aren’t all about your desires. That you want to sacrifice to make him happy.
2. “Practice Protective Love”… I am fiercely protective. If I feel my hubby has been wronged I will want to stand up for him and boast about his strengths. I will want to protect him from harm.
3. “Practice Persevering Love”….this being the hardest one to do consistently. Because sometime our husbands are hard to love. Sometimes they do things we don’t like or maybe they just don’t seem like the man we married. But that’s when we need to step up and practice the love that is described in 1 Corinthians 13, and just love on them. (My hubby is really good at this one. I tend to be hard to love at times. Love you, babe!)
4. And finally, “Extend Renewing Love”… One of the easiest ways that we can renew our love for our husbands is by remembering why we fell in love with them, and why you chose him. For me, it helps to focus on what is important and not the struggles we are facing.
I know that I can do better at practicing all of these loves. Being close together for 16 days will prove that to someone. I just pray that I will be able to put these loves into practice each day! How can you put these kinds of loves into practice in your own marriage?
Hello! I have been absent and I apologize! We have been on vacation and being able to post while on vacation is rather challenging! Especially when this has been your view for the past week!
But I have the kids on a mandatory rest time, the hubby is doing some work… So now I am finally able to post again!
Something that has been on my heart this past week has been about dreams. Not like the dreams you have when you go to sleep but the dreams you have for your future. When my hubby and I were dating we had talked a lot about all the possibilities for the future. What kinds of things we wanted to do and see… Where we wanted to go… What we wanted our family to look like. One of the things that my hubby loves are baseball games. We had decided that it would be awesome to be able to visit each of the stadiums across the country. Just to say that we did it, and to fulfill my hubby’s love of baseball. I enjoy going to baseball games as well so that wouldn’t be a challenging dream for me to help fulfill.
But what do I do when those dreams don’t necessarily match with what I want? What if it’s too dangerous and puts him in harms way? What if I think it’s really silly and put him down for having that dream? What if his dream doesn’t really include me? I need to be able to put aside my fears and my thoughts about what his dream is and come along side him and bring it out. If it doesn’t include me, that doesn’t mean he doesn’t still love me… He just has a passion that he wants to fulfill and
knows that maybe you won’t enjoy it. For example… If my hubby wanted to climb a mountain… I
would need to set aside my fears of him dying on the mountain side and be his cheerleader and encourage him on this adventure. I have no desire to climb a mountain and I won’t take offense to the fact that he does. I’m luckily, I don’t have to worry about that dream, but I do need to be his helper and make sure I can do what I can to help him accomplish those dreams, whatever they look like.
I asked my hubby what some of his dreams were, and I kind of knew already but I was still curious. One dream that he has (well we both have) is to feel financially free… As I’m sure a lot of people out there want to feel. We want to be able to purchase a home and not feel like if we do it’s going to bring us under farther. We want to be able to go on fun vacations without the burden of not knowing how much “spending” money we will have. My hubby and I are on our way to being financially free but we still have a long way to go and we need to continue to encourage each other along this path so we can live that dream of owning our own home. The best way that we have been able to do this is by reigning in our spending and actually sticking to the budget. Another big way that we have changed the way we handle our money is by tithing regularly. We have felt the blessings of The Lord
when we do this faithfully.
In Psalm 27:3&4 it says “Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live in the land and enjoy it’s food. Find your delight in The Lord. Then he will give you everything your heart really wants.” When we put our delight in The Lord he will give us everything we want. When we trust in The Lord we will enjoy the life He has provided for us. Sometimes The Lord won’t grant us those dreams we want, and there are reasons that we may never understand. But when we dream things for our lives that are along the path that God has chosen for us…then it brings great joy to Him, and He will grant those desires of our heart.
Another dream that my hubby wants to be able to do is travel more. It’s so hard to do when you have little people under foot and need to put their needs ahead of yours. But the desire for my hubby to travel and see new places is great. And I so want to be able to help him in whatever way that I can. Maybe for now it’s more talking about it and figuring out a plan on how we can make that dream of
travel a reality. I do know there will be a lot of prayer and planning on my part to be able to get that accomplished. I don’t want to squash his dreams and make him feel foolish for wanting to see other places than our little town and the town where our extended families live. I want to give him the confidence that he needs to know that his desires are important to me.
My hubby is very good about asking me what my goals are in life… What my dreams are, and I want to be able to reciprocate that. So, my challenge to all of you is to sit down with your hubby, your
wife, or significant other and ask them what their dreams are. What are the few things they want to do in life, and then figure out a way to make that happen! Let them know you are their biggest cheerleader!