~ I am first and foremost a daughter of the Most high King, a single mom who survives on coffee and Jesus, and someone who likes to think they have it all together but really has no clue. Welcome to my ramblings…
Tonight was rather frustrating for me. It goes with the theme of life the past few weeks… everything seemingly falling apart around me and I’m not really sure what the right next step is.
When I got home from picking up the kids, I had to shovel the driveway and then came in and saw my curtain rod fell out of the wall. To say I was annoyed is an understatement. It’s moments like these that are defining for me. Am I going to let it get me down and complain that now I have to figure this out too, or am I just gonna face it and figure it out.
I chose both…
I went down the grab my tools and found my grandpa’s old drill and I prayed it wouldn’t catch fire when I used it 😂, grabbed a screw driver, my level and got to work. Mind you I have no idea what I’m doing… I just figure it out along the way.
15 minutes later it’s all fixed – hanging securely in a stud.
After I cleaned up my mess I started singing Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus – and I just stopped.
This mundane household fix reminded me that I’m gonna be ok. I will get knocked down by life – I will feel like I can’t hold on anymore and will fall from the weight of what I’m trying to carry as I dangle from an unsecured space.
My curtain rod was being held up by the other side and didn’t completely crash. When I fall – I don’t completely crash even though it feels like it. I’m actually falling into the arms of Jesus. He is always ready to catch me when I just can’t hold on anymore. He fixes me. He securely attaches me right where I belong so I can keep doing my job – just like my curtain rod holder.
Today I got to sleep in. My dog woke me up at 6:00 not my 5 am alarm. I didn’t have to rush around and get my kids and myself out the door at 6:30. I’ve actually had time to rest. Time to reflect. Time to realize what I crazy, chaotic, amazing life I lead. Let me explain…
Since school started I have been living a life that I have had a hard time adjusting to. 2 jobs (that I love), masters program (that is challenging), and single mom life. You would think that the divorce and living through that trauma would have been hard, and don’t get me wrong it was one of the most challenging roads I have ever had to walk down, but this particular path I am on right now – I continually find myself looking up and asking “Really, God?” It’s ok to ask those questions, but what’s not ok is what I was allowing to happen by asking that question. I found myself living in the negative. Living in the unfairness of what I thought my life was going to look like. Living in the bitterness, envy, and anger. Living in all the things I told myself I would never allow myself to live in. I think it all started when one of my co-workers told me I looked like a hot mess after the first full week of students.
It triggered a lot of that self doubt in me that I still carry every single day. That doubt that tells me I’m not good enough… that I won’t be able to succeed… that I won’t be able to do all the things. While I understand she has no idea how those 6 words would deeply affect me and send me into a tailspin, I’m so grateful for them. It sent me on a quest of switching my question from “Really, God?” to “OK, God…what do you want me to learn through this?”
Since I do a lot of driving now, I usually listen to a podcast about how to improve my ministry or to Steven Furtick. This week I listened to his newest sermon, The Mentor You Didn’t Ask For. He spoke about 2 Corinthians 12:7-10(TPT), (Paul is saying this….)
The extraordinary level of the revelations I’ve received is no reason for anyone to exalt me. For this is why a thorn in my flesh was given to me, the Adversary’s messenger sent to harass me, keeping me from becoming arrogant. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to relieve me of this. But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me. So I’m not defeated by my weakness, but delighted! For when I feel my weakness and endure mistreatment—when I’m surrounded with troubles on every side and face persecution because of my love for Christ—I am made yet stronger. For my weakness becomes a portal to God’s power.
So many things from that sermon that popped out to me:
Set an example of overcoming obstacles not running away from them.
The thorn in my side is my vulnerability
Don’t say someone’s “no” for them. Take a risk.
We like to cut people out when they don’t reach our expectations. We say “I can’t listen to you anymore because of x, y, z”
God matches our thorn with our course… the thorn was sent to me to torment me. When there is a weakness that I can’t get stronger… it torments me. You think, “I should be better, why am I not better?” Paul’s thorn, it was his mentor. The things that God GAVE HIM to teach him grace.
The thorn is the thing that shows up in our life that we never asked for… to teach us that God’s grace bigger. God will give us a grace that is proportional to our problem. My thorn is what takes me closer to the throne of God. So I need to be in a posture of surrendering my thorn to Jesus. Taking a stand in that pivotal moment where I decide my enemy will no longer reign. So, while I wait for a breakthrough – I will sit in my therefore.
I will take my hot mess express thorn if that means that God will do even bigger things through it.
I absolutely love my life. As chaotic, stressful, and confusing as it is… I wouldn’t change a single second of it. Switching how I view it is the only way that I will remain standing in grace, strength, and power. Because in the end I get to point it all back to Jesus. The one and only who strengthens me everyday TO be able to do all the things that He has called me to do. So I stand in gratitude instead of bitterness, and anxiously await the journey.
I was driving yesterday to Taylors Falls and the road construction 35W is ever changing. A thought hit me, that life (no matter the journey) is a lot like this stupid road construction. Ever changing and unpredictable, but necessary to be a better functioning road. One day the road goes straight, then the next it sways to the right and then all of the sudden the cones are up – this way is now blocked off and you have to take a long, out of the way detour. It’s frustrating… it throws you off and all you want to do is sit and stare into oblivion because this was not the plan. We might look up to the sky and say “Come on, God! Where are you in this?? Why are you making me go on this road when THAT road over there is where I want to be??” Do you think He laughs at us? Shakes his head and says, “Oh Child, if you could only see what I have for you down THIS road… TRUST ME.”
My word for 2020 is TRUST. I didn’t know fully what that word would mean for this year, but it was definitely NOT what has played out. How do we trust when the way we’ve always done life explodes in our face? We have lived through a major pandemic (and still are), riots and unrest in our own backyard, a very unstable election that has polarized the nation. How are we supposed to keep trusting that good will come? And then not to mention all the normal day to day stuff everyone is dealing with: job losses, loss of lives, normal run of the mills colds that are now causing panic, uncertainty with school, relationship struggles (always), learning how to get along with others who don’t share your same views, biases, life choices. The weight of life this year is epic. It’s scary, it’s uncertain…
But it’s also eye opening, amazing, and full of beauty. We just have to look for it. We have to allow God to show us his perspective and not just stay on the side of the road when we want to go one way but God, life takes us another.
We need to ask ourselves right now what lessons do we need to learn from this year. How can I be more empathetic towards others? How can I help more? What do I need to let go of to be a better person, to love well instead of feeling the need to prove my rightness? How do I do this well for my kids? What habits do I need to change? What ugly in my heart needs to be taken care of so I CAN do this well… so I can do the hard things? Where do I need to slow down, listen, and watch for His direction?
I have no answers, but I do know that as long as I continue to give all the things to God he will show me the way.
So, I just posted this on my FB page, but figured more than just “my friends” might need to hear this… So, here goes…
There are times when you just feel like life is falling apart and if one more thing lands anywhere in your vacinity, you are going to lose it. Christmas is always a stressful time. Missing loved ones that have passed, mourning relationships that have crumbled, stressing over the lack of funds in the checking account – while trying to figure out how you are going to make it through another month…yeah, it sucks. But I was reminded tonight, while tucking in my kids, that no matter how deep or wide the valley is that you are walking through… how dark the storm seems… God’s got this. I, Heather, will walk without fear because God’s got this. He has carried me through this and much worse so how can I doubt? All I can do now is just give it up, pray, and know that in His timing it will all work out.
Psalm 17:6-7 says, “I am praying to you because I know you will answer, O God. Bend down and listen as I pray. Show me your unfailing love in wonderful ways. By your mighty power you reduce those who seek refuge from their enemies.” We have a Father in heaven that loves us so unconditionally. All we have to do is fall on our knees and pray. He never promised that life would be easy. He never said “Follow me and I will make your life perfect.” No, we are still going to face trouble and trials and adversity… and it’s in those times that our faith is tested. It’s in those times where we get to truly see where our heart is. Is it (your heart) in the overwhelming day to day of this earthly life (which I must admit – I am there some days) or is it in the hands of our loving and gracious Father that has already overcome all these heartaches?
Psalm 22 1-2 “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me? Why are you so far away when I groan for help? Every day I call to you, my God, but you do not answer. Every night you hear my voice, but I find no relief.” Even David suffered and questioned where God was, and urgently appealed to him to take away his suffering. David knew to trust God in the good, lonely, and desperate times. He knew that even though God was quiet, He WAS and IS listening. So, the good news is, through all the crap that we face in this life we will gain victory on the other side, and for THAT I cannot wait, and I will continue to endure the heartache of this world.
So, if you are still with me (my mind and fingers just won’t stop), I will leave you with the passage that started it all tonight which is Psalm 23…I’m sure you all know this passage so I’m only going to quote vs 4 “Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.” God will comfort me… He will protect me… and I just have to to let him. Will you? Will you allow God to comfort and protect you through all the crap that is thrown at you. We have an all powerful enemy that wants nothing more than to see us squirm and fail. So when you feel like there is no one else… just reach out…reach out to the one who loves you more than you can fathom. Trust that God will catch you even in those deep, dark, ugly places where you feel you can’t be touched. Trust me I have those places… My kids have seen them, my husband has seen them… it’s not pretty… but God loves me despite of my short-comings and dark places… He still loves me…and He is just waiting for you too.
Psalm 34:8 “Taste and see that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him.”
Where do I even begin? I haven’t written in a while and that’s probably because I feel like the year 2015 was my rock bottom. I had so much going on in my life, personally and spiritually, that it was spinning wildly out of control. There was no end in sight to the wild spin that my life had taken on. Thankfully, 2016 has brought about change. Refreshing change. Change that has needed to happen for a really long time- I was just too afraid to take that step of faith and move toward that change. So, let me bring you all up to speed…
2015 – Have you ever hit rock bottom? It’s a super scary place to be. Especially when you are a believer or a non-believer. Especially when you are married or when you are single. Especially when you have kids or no kids. Especially when you have NOTHING LEFT. Be ready for open and honest. My marriage almost ended last year. Bam! There’s my rock bottom…
So many things led up to my hubby and I almost walking out on one another. So. Many. Things. And in this day and age when the going gets tough people walk out. They leave the hard stuff behind – only to walk into more hard stuff. It’s unbelievable how fast things spun out of control, and literally before my very eyes. People said, and still say, that I am a good and loving wife. They saw that I was, and still am, a caring mom. That I had a house to live in (even though it was falling apart and NOT at all where God wanted us to be anymore), and that I tried to keep it somewhat clean. They saw what I want them to see. They never saw the ugly. The mom that would lose it because of spilled milk. The wife that would say things because she was hurt or annoyed. No one saw the imperfect – the ugly. Cause, let’s be honest, we live in a world that is full of “perfect”… social media makes sure that everyone has this unattainable expectation that they have to meet and if they don’t meet it then you are worthless. I found myself as worthless. I found myself as someone that I didn’t want to be around anymore. So, if I didn’t even want to be around me… why would anyone else?
2016 – With the new year I felt like we had the ability to just scratch 2015 from existence and move on with life.
I had a renewed sense of fight in me. I no longer wanted to give up on my marriage, on my family. And I knew that my hubby felt the same way. I am beyond grateful for my best friends that I trust with my life… who are praying on their knees for my marriage now and for when it was in it’s darkest hours. It is a long battle, and it will be fought with blood, sweat, lots of tears, and more prayers than I can count. Looking back I see that we (my hubby and I) let Satan in to do whatever he wanted. I read something from the book Anything, by Jennie Allen. It’s from a pastor that spoke to her and her husband. It really resonated with me, and I would like to share it with you…
“If I was the devil, I’d tell you what I’d do. I would try to deceive you and get you into error. I would get you off base. And if you still stayed true (to God and your beliefs)*, I would try to disqualify you. I would get you immoral, I would get you where no one would believe what came out of your mouth. I would make you a tabloid, where nobody would believe you. I would remove your confidence until you were afraid to speak because your life was such a shamble. I would get you into sin. I would prowl like a roaring lion to devour you morally.
And if I couldn’t do that, I would try to make you successful. And I would distract you if I couldn’t disqualify you. I would get you busy. I would get you so distracted to the gospel that no longer would your prayers be about holiness and souls. They would only be about the bottom line in your business. I would get you materialistic, and no longer concerned about the spiritual nature of you life. If I couldn’t do that, I would divide you. If I couldn’t divide you, I’ve almost lost you. You know what I’d do then? I’d discourage you. And then if I couldn’t discourage you, I’d try death. I would try my best to kill you. That’s what I would do to take you out.” *italics are my adding* (So, was this written just for me? This is everything I have felt!)
Take a listen to a song that explains all of this…. Music speaks to me.
The father of lies has done a number on me. But did you hear the song?! Even though the devil sings his song over me…he may even have his demons doing his dirty work on my heart…whispering their lies into my ear over and over again till I can’t hear anything else. They whisper in my ear until I’m no longer talking to my God but that I am talking to the devil himself. Having a fight with him over how terrible of a person I am. He was doing a heck of a job at that last year and up until yesterday (If I’m being brutally honest)- when my totally awesome cousin talked, prayed, and listened to me… But the father of lies has forgotten the refrain. The refrain that JESUS SAVES!! I no longer have to live the lies that the devil in whispering into my ear. I have the redemption of Jesus to save me, my marriage, and my family. This demon that has attacked me since I was young telling me that I am worthless… no longer has it’s hold on me. He has been kicked – well I’m in the process of kicking him – to the curb because Jesus has saved me. I HAVE to start listening to Jesus, reading his WORD and pouring it over every aspect of my life. It’s almost like I have Jesus on one shoulder and the devil on the other, and I was listening to the devil more. He was louder. I couldn’t hear the truth above the lies. I want to take my finger and flick the devil off my shoulder and tell him he no longer has power, in Jesus name.
I am so far from where I am supposed to be in my “walk”. But Jesus has been right where He wants me. He wants me to struggle – because in the times of struggle that’s when you grow the most. You reach out to those you trust and ask them to challenge you. I want to encourage you that if you are finding yourself far from God that there’s only one thing you have to do. You just have to reach your hand up and say I’m sorry Father, here I am. You just have to fall on your knees and Jesus will pick you up and carry you. He doesn’t want to see me or you as a crumpled mess on the floor trying to figure out this thing called life. He wants us to reach out to him so he can shows us all that life is supposed to be. No more allowing the father of lies to direct my steps and thoughts…
“It’s only God who moves my heart. He chases me down and lures me back to him; while I am running to everyone else, he runs after me. God brings me back to the place where it fares well with me, reminding me he is my husband. There is no spinning, no fear, only perfect acceptance and peace.” Anything, by Jennie Allen p. 38
A rant… a reminder… who knows but I just needed to write…
So, one thing that I am really struggling with lately is REMEMBERING STUFF! Doesn’t really matter what it is… I can’t remember it! **GASP** That is so hard to admit! I feel like this summer my mind has literally reached it’s capacity of holding information and now things are starting to fall out. (Kind of like an over-stuffed bowl of popcorn. You try to keep pouring more popcorn in the bowl in hopes that the bowl will get bigger. But instead it just tumbles over the side.) Yeah… that’s exactly where I am at.
I don’t know how many meeting I have forgotten about or just not showed up to. I have addressed snail mail letters incorrectly and a week later I get them back saying “no known address”. Or forgetting to mail out an order to my mom that has been sitting on my desk for the past 3 weeks! Or letting my laundry pile up so high that it’s almost touching the shoot. I’m sure there is more, but whatever they are… they have fallen into the abyss of forgotten things.
I have tried so many ways to try and stay organized and on top of it and none of it seems to be working. Part of me just wants to trash everything and start completely over. Have a fresh slate so to speak. Something that will be motivating and help me to WANT to be organized all the time. I am a planner, and love to be organized but with 3 kids… homeschooling starting up again soon… having my kids friends over on a daily basis… It’s almost impossible to stay organized… which then makes me feel overwhelmed and my friend “Envy” starts creeping in. Envy of other people that look like they have it all together, and have everything that I have dreamed about how my life should look.
But I just have to know that right now my life is going to be chaotic. I’m in that stage. So, there will be things that will be forgotten. There will be things that fall to the way side. I literally can’t make everyone happy (which if you have spent any time with me… know that is a big thing for me – I want to make everyone happy) and I’m sorry if I disappoint you because I just can’t do it all. My house will inevitably always be a mess when you come over and I really need to stop apologizing for that. My kitchen floors will be sticky even though I just mopped the floor 5 minutes ago. My bathroom sink will ALWAYS have dried crusty toothpaste all over because we don’t clean it every time someone brushes their teeth. There will be dirty clothes sitting outside the closet where the clothes shoot is because it’s just too hard to open the door sometimes and throw it down. There will be dirty dishes in the sink because we are too lazy to unload the dishwasher. I will never have enough food in the house, because my kids are growing and are eating every second of the day!
I have come to realize that I just won’t ever have that pristine Pinterest house that makes me believe that every 30-something mom has. Or that lie that sneaks in saying every 30-something family has this brand-new-2-story-4-bedroom-granite-countertop-kitchen-house where everything has it’s place, and is in it’s place at all times. This again is hard for me because it’s a want, a dream for me… but is it a NEED? No, I have everything that I NEED in my 1950’s style rambler that has 3 bedrooms, crappy laminate counter tops with a backsplash where the plastic tiles fall off every few months, and toys that litter the floor in every room. There is dog hair all over the place, and my kitchen floor is wet because my dog dribbles all over when she drinks her water! Yes there is a place for all of the stuff, but it seems like it’s never in it’s place!
I’m sure that my kids watch way too much TV for the standards of whoever it is that makes the standards! But I am also sure that my kids are completely normal for their age. They don’t have behavior issues they are just kids that push the boundaries daily, make my hair fall out, and make me feel like a broken record for repeating the same thing day after day, hour after hour….
“Please stop jumping on the couches!”
“No, you may not get more food, we just ate lunch 5 minutes ago.”
“Son, please take your hands out of your pants.”
“How many times have I asked you to NOT draw the chief symbol on your forehead from How to Train Your Dragons 2?”
….just to name a few! But they are also my pride and joy. They are my life and the reason that I wake up in the morning. They are the reason I have a smile on my face and laugh when they do something completely ridiculous… like have marker all over their face and the chief! Or make me feel like my cup runs over because they leave love notes on the mirror in the bathroom or tell me that I am beautiful. My kids friends are my kids too when they are here at my house. They are loved, they are fed, they are prayed over, and they know they will always have a place here (in my heart, and my house). I need to remember that my house is always a mess because ALL of my kids are my mission right now. Not having the pristine house. They are what is most important. And I have to remember that!
I know that right now you are wishing that fairy godmother’s existed. You are wishing that you could make that one wish to have all your dreams come true with the flick of a magic wand. You might be wishing that you could take back something that you said out anger. You might be wishing that you could take away that one horrible mistake that was made by you or your other half. You might be wishing that things would be back to the way they once were. You might be wishing for that do-over… that “let’s start from scratch” moment. You might be wishing that the fear, the disappointment, the trials, the failures, the despair, the depression, the anxiety, the rejection, the insecurity, the <fill in the blank> would just go away. Forever.
Oh, how I wish that I could wrap my arms around you so tight and tell you that everything is going to be alright. How I wish that I could take away all the pain. The pain that you have shoved and buried deep in your soul. That pain that you don’t want anyone else to see ever. How I wish I could wipe away all the tears that have been shed, and all the tears that will be shed. How I wish that I could say that it will get better. Oh how I wish I could take your feelings of brokenness away and patch up the scars that you think define who you are. Oh, how I wish…
Sometimes life just really sucks. Sometimes life deals you a really, really crappy hand. Sometimes life just doesn’t ever feel like it will return to normal. Sometimes life makes you feel like you are living on a broken record with no way of getting off the endless spinning. It’s in those times of pure and utter madness that you need to remember who you are…
Oh, my dear sweet girl, nothing ever makes sense in the midst of the storm. The nightmare that you are walking through might be something you feel like you won’t ever wake up from. You feel alone… so alone. You might feel like you are unloved… or worse unloveable. You are suffocating from the fears, from the darkness that consumes you.
But in that extreme darkness, there is hope… Even when you don’t see it. There is always hope. When these storms come up, sweet girl, you always have a choice. You have to choice to walk through the storm with you God, your husband, your trusted friends. You have the choice to know that God’s got this even when we can’t see the end…even in the times when you can’t believe you have to walk through this storm again. God’s got this. Will it be easy? No way. Will it be the hardest thing you have ever done? You bet! Will it be worth it in the end? Always.
You are not called to walk through life with the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are called to cast your anxiety on Him, and know that He will take these burdens from you. He will carry them. He already nailed them to the cross and all you have to do is let go of the hammer and trust that He really does have this whole thing under control, sweet girl. I wish that I could help you ease the burden, but I can’t. Only you have the power to let go, and let God take control. And once you have let go… it will be amazing to see how far God can take you, take your husband, your marriage, and your family.
Trust that you will overcome whatever you are struggling with. Know you are loved. Know you are lovable. Know that you can let go of the control and that things will work out according to God’s design. He won’t fail you.
It’s 2am and I can’t shut my mind off. My dog needed to go out because she refused to pee before going to bed in the pouring rain… but can I really blame her? Would you like to do your business while being pelted with the pouring rain? Probably not… So, I let her out and now my mind won’t shut off. This is one of the worst things. Why does it feel like your mind always wanders to doom and worst case scenarios… OR your never ending to-do list for the next day?
Tonight my mind is going to doom and devastation. It’s almost like PTSD… Reliving the worse thing you have ever gone through. And I say ALMOST because I don’t actually have PTSD. I really don’t know what PTSD is like so maybe this is nothing like it. (I am in no way trying to offend people who suffer with PTSD, these are just my thoughts in the middle of the night.) I suffer from anxiety which can flare up at any given moment and just drives me crazy. I don’t know… give me grace it’s 2:15 in the morning and my mind plays tricks on me.
Every time I set my phone down to say “No more, it’s time to go to sleep” and I close my eyes and get all comfortable my mind starts going again and I think of something else to say for the blog. And if I don’t write it down at that moment I will most undoubtably forget come sunrise. Why can’t someone invent something that you can wear on your head that records your thoughts at night… So people like me can lay in bed and think and drift off to sleep and not have to worry that come morning all my good ideas will be gone?
You know what really sucks and wreaks havoc on my sleepy mind is when you are having a rough patch in your marriage. Nothing is worse that hitting a bump. A big bump, a little bump, a colossal bump… doesn’t really matter really. It’s a bump that you know you will get over in time, but a bump that seems to be never ending. A bump that won’t go away… or you think that it does and then you hit gravel from the first bumps cast off and start sliding all over the place again.
Why does marriage have to be so dang hard? God created it… So it should be good right? But nothing this side of heaven is easy. Don’t get me wrong my marriage is something that God designed and I couldn’t ask for a better partner to do life with. He completes me and makes me think and challenges me and loves me through the good and bad times. But seeing as we are two completely imperfect people trying to raise three imperfect little people… things are bound to be hard, mistakes will happen, misunderstandings will take place, and rough patches will be had. Sometimes those rough patches last longer than I would want, but I guess that’s all apart of the refining process that God makes us go through, right? I just wish it didn’t have to get SO HOT while refining.
So, what exactly am I supposed to learn through this rough patch, this refining process? A refining process that seems to be never ending by the way…
1. Never, never, never jump to an accusatory conclusion… hear them out, and believe what they say… I tend to make things up in my head and then believe them to be true. So then when my hubby tries to explain things and correct my incorrect thinking my mind fights against it because I have created this “truth” in my head already.
2. Drop it unless it’s life or death… I need to continually learn to pick my battles. I tend to feel like everything needs to be a battle. Not really a good thing! Proverbs 21:23 “Watch your tongue and keep your mouth shut, and you will stay out of trouble.” Yep this is something that I struggle with on a daily basis. I can never seems to keep my mouth shut. I am an exploder and need to get that under control!
3. I desperately want to be gentle in my responses to situations or words spoken. I fail at this all the time…when speaking to my husband, and when speaking to my children. Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.” My goal during this time of refining is to strive for 1 Peter 3:4 “You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God.”
I am not feeling precious in anything I do these days. My spirit is in such turmoil, but I must trust in the process and know that at the end of it all… I will be even closer to the woman, wife, mother, daughter that God wants me to be! I just have to learn how to stop fighting the process and just release all my anxiety and burdens to Him.
I think that these days, it is so hard to find where we belong in this world. Everything is based off of technology. If you don’t have the latest gadget or are the most popular social media then you are “so last year”. I’ve said this before but I have found myself wishing for a simpler time. Wishing that we (a general “we”) weren’t so attached to our phones, iPads, DVR, Facebook, Twitter, etc, etc, etc. No wonder people get lonely, depressed, feel like no one understands them. It’s because no one is talking. No one is intentional in their relationships, in their marriages. Everything is just superficial. Everything is perfect. There is no more getting deeper and having those friendships that last a life time. You may have one or two of those, and that is awesome! But we need to be able to put the work in for those.
Last week we were outside because it was almost 70 degrees and we were literally the only people in the neighborhood outside. I couldn’t believe it! It was so sad to me. I remember growing up and being outside a lot! I admit that, up until recently, I have been one of those people who was completely and totally addicted to everything about my phone. I just wanted to escape. I didn’t want to think about my problems. I didn’t want to have to focus on what was wrong with my life. If I just stop interacting with people then all my problems will be solved, right? But no, that just makes them a million times worse!
I have been so tired of missing out on life. So I dumbed down my smart phone. I have taken off email, internet access, Facebook, Pinterest, and Instagram. (I never really got into Twitter…shocker!) It has been so nice. I don’t feel like I have to constantly be on. I don’t have to constantly feel like I am going to miss out on something. So what…. someone that I was “friends” with 20 years ago is getting married. Good for them… but is that really something that will help me make it through today? Not at all. Do I really have to answer every email that comes in the minute that it comes in? NO! People know that I am going to respond, but it don’ts have to be within 5 minutes of the initial email or text. The people that really, truly deserve me present are my husband, and my kids. That’s it! No one else matters (no offense to all my friends). But my family is the most important… not my phone, my email, Facebook, Twitter, pinterest, Instagram, Text messages. We need to learn to life our eyes from our techy worlds and see the real world passing us by every second. See what the Lord has blessed us with. Start seeing your spouse again, and realizing how crazy amazing your kids are. Start reconnecting in a real way with friendships that have gone by the wayside.
Do you think you can do it? What are some things that you can do to simplify your life and be present with the ones who really deserve your best?
Have you ever been in a situation where you have been praying and praying over something and feel like God is completely silent? I keep thinking of the quote I saw on pinterest…
Sometimes you just cry out to God and say where are you?? But you have remember that just because God isn’t answering right at that moment doesn’t mean that He is not there right by your side cheering you on! We might feel like we are knocked down and out of the game, but Jesus is always there to pick us up, brush off the dirt, and help us take those steps forward again. When we get knocked down, we always stand back up and look up and know that ultimately God is the one who is in control. He is constantly refining us for what His plans are. We are constantly “under construction”.
In battles, we should expect to get knocked down. The knock-down is just the beginning of an amazing journey that God is going to take us on. Our plans are not God’s plans and we just need to keep our eyes focused on Him and take one step after another in order to be refined by Christ. We have to keep asking ourselves when we are going through a hard battle, what exactly is God refining me for? We get to see what we are truly made of when we can patiently endure the fire. Because the fire has to keep burning until it’s finished doing it’s job. If it stops in the middle… you will get a product that is not what you expected. If you stop in the middle… the embers will continue to burn until one day they will flare up out of nowhere and take you by complete surprise. God is the one in control, not us! God will use our biggest down for his greatest good, and we have to trust in His plan!
John 10:10 “The thief’s purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life.” Our enemy wants us to believe that this battle that is raging inside of us will destroy us. But God continues to breathe life into us saying “stay the course my child, I’ve got this.” John 16:33 “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” This, my friends, is how we will overcome all the trials! Jesus already did! He went before us and fought the battle. Will we still have pain and strife in the battle? YES! But we have the promise that as long as we stay the course God has put in place that we will overcome them.