We are our husbands helper. I know that is who I was created to be. We were never meant to go through life alone. We were never meant to go through marriage alone. I feel like recently the need to be respected and the desire to be cherished have blossomed, and everyone is writing or talking about it. Everyone has been so focused on themselves and moving towards isolation (thanks to all this technology) that we have forgotten these basic truths. People in general need to be shown respect. People… Woman and children… Need to be cherished! I feel like one way that we women, as followers of Jesus, have dropped by ball is by living out Titus 2. And more specifically verses 3-5.
“In the same way, teach the older women to lead a holy life.
They must not tell lies about others.
They must not let wine control them.
Instead, they must teach what is good.
Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children.
The younger women must control themselves.
They must be pure.
They must take good care of their homes.
They must be kind.
They must follow the lead of their husbands.
Then no one will be able to speak evil things against God’s Word.”
This may be bold of me to say, but there are times that I wonder who exactly are these “older” women? Is it our grandparents, our mothers, myself? I think that if you have any kind of wisdom to impart in the younger generation of wives than you are the “older woman”! You are exactly who this passage is talking about! I have been married for almost 9 years now (which is insane to think about!) but I have 9 years of learning that I can impart on the younger women.
I find myself dreaming about a time that was “simpler”. Less distraction and more focus on what is important. If we were able to add to the Bible I would also add in there “They must not let technology rule over their time.” I am guilty of this and I know so many others are too. It’s an easy escape for when life is chaotic, but that’s not the answer we need. Marriage is hard, keeping our houses clean is hard (mainly because we have so much crap), letting our husbands lead can be hard, being a mama is hard. The easiest thing is to just completely check out. And as I am SLOWLY learning that is not the answer!
I think with this new generation of ladies it is harder to ask for help or advice. Asking for help shows weakness, and our society today doesn’t want to see weakness. “They” just want to see that you can handle it all and not crack under all the weight. But I feel like this is why there’s so much depression, anxiety, medical issues… The pressure is just too much to do it all on your own. We need to offer up advice to help the young ladies know they are not alone. Some days I wish I could go back 9 years and offer up some advice to my younger self. If I were actually able to do that, I think this is what I would say…….
1. Pray together about every decision.
My hubby and I are known to be “YES” people. We will jump into any place quick that we may see a need in. But sometimes it may not be the right decision. So I would encourage you to pray over everything… search the scriptures… and feel 100% peace about your decision.
2. Hold your “Yes” answers to important things.
This goes along with #1. Make sure that you don’t say YES to everything. This will only cause more chaos in the end. Make sure you carve out time for each other, and for your family once the kids come along. You don’t want to be so worn out that you have no more energy for the important people.
3. Know that you cannot please everyone! Someone will be disappointed and that’s OK!
I struggle big time with this one. I am one of the biggest people pleasers out there and HATE when I make things harder for people. I would much rather take it all on so everyone else has it easier. But know that it is absolutely impossible to please everyone. This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. I still struggle daily with this and I’m hoping one day soon I will be able to be OK with disappointment.
4. Let your husband take the lead.
I am a control freak. I like to know what is happening, when it’s happening, and how it’s happening. And if things don’t happen exactly as planned I get frustrated. I wish I could tell my past self that I need to let go of control! I need to go more with the flow. My hubby is a “go with the flow” kind of guy. I need to let him take the lead of our family. Just because I am not in the drivers seat doesn’t mean I automatically don’t get a say. But I don’t have to be the one in control all the time.
5. Find someone who can mentor you as you go through marriage.
There WILL be a time in your marriage that you just wish you could talk to someone other than friends and family about your marriage. I want to encourage you to find an older woman who has been through some of the trials and storms that being married can bring. It’s nice to be able to walk through this journey with someone that’s been there. That can impart what they have learned to you, and so you can feel like you aren’t alone.
6. Don’t neglect the friendship with your hubby! Laugh OFTEN!
Remember why you got married. You were friends FRIST, then you started dating, fell in love and decided he was IT! You were friends way before you walked down the isle. Make sure you feed that side of your relationship too. It is so easy to get caught up in the stresses of life that you forget they are your best friend. And don’t forget to laugh. When you forget to laugh things become serious all the time. If you forget to laugh, life is no longer fun.
7. Go on trips with your hubby before kids! They tend to change the game plan 🙂
I do not regret having my kids when I did. But I do wish that my hubby and I would have travelled a little bit more before we had them. So many place that I would’ve loved to see before bringing the kids along.
8. It’s OK to go to bed upset. Sometimes sleeping on it gives you a new perspective and let’s you breathe.
I know in the Bible it says to not let the sun go down on your anger. Early on in my marriage I never wanted to go to bed angry at each other. But they we’d be up till all hours of the night fighting and getting no where. Sometimes it’s ok to go to bed still upset. I have learned that after sleeping on it the issue just isn’t an issue anymore, or I have a change of heart and am able to see my hubby’s side of the argument. Just know that it’s OK!
9. Speaking of the bedroom…….
We are not always in the mood, I get that. But our hubby’s love this side of our marriage. Don’t neglect it. Don’t say “no” all the time. Saying “no” makes him feel like you aren’t attracted to him, that you don’t want to be with him. It puts a rift between you that sometimes gets too large to mend. If you do say “no” make sure the next time he shows interest you say “yes”… even when you aren’t in “the mood”. This is so, so important!
10. Do NOT open up credit cards thinking its “free” money.
Seriously! Do not open up credit cards or store credit cards thinking that it’s all free money. My hubby and I did this and are STILL paying off all the debt that we built up. Get one credit card and only put a few things on it so when it’s time to pay the thing off you are able to do it! Credit cards are so dangerous. I think for younger couples it’s so easy to fall into this trap, and I encourage you to run away!
I’m sure there are a million more things that I could think of but I don’t want this post to be so long that you don’t want to finish it! Are there any other things that you can think of that you wish you could tell your younger self? Please feel free to share! We’d love to hear about them 🙂
Many Blessings,
Heather C.
PS… I found this pic on Pinterest and I think that I need to get it or make it and hang it in my bedroom 🙂