This morning I was reading Mark 4:3-8 where Jesus talks about the Parable of the Seeds,
“Listen! A farmer went out to plant some seed.
As he scattered it across his field, some of the seed fell on a footpath, and the birds came and ate it.
Other seed fell on shallow soil with underlying rock. The seed sprouted quickly because the soil was shallow.
But the plant soon wilted under the hot sun, and since it didn’t have deep roots, it died.
Other seed fell among thorns that grew up and choked out the tender plants so they produced no grain.
Still other seeds fell on fertile soil, and they sprouted, grew,
and produced a crop that was thirty, sixty, and even a hundred times as much as had been planted!”
Whenever I read this, I sit and wonder, which seed am I?
I want to think I am the one that flourishes. That I surround myself with people who will challenge me to grow. I want to be the one that shines bright and spreads the goodness of Jesus far and wide. In reality though, I feel like I waiver between that and the one that gets choked up by the thorns and weeds. There’s so much in this world that can cause me take my eyes off of Jesus, and the path that he has for me. I am walking around just fine seeing all the beauty that is around and then bam… here’s this massive garage door standing in my way. So now what? I try punching in the correct combination hoping… hoping it will open so I finally get the answers to the prayers I have been waiting for. But usually I just have to stand there…waiting. Learning to worship while the thorns and weeds creep up to distract me from what on the other side of the door. I learn to sit in the peace and surrender so I don’t get torn down in the wait, in the worry, the anxiety and fear. Especially when there is so much swirling all around me…
Riots and vandalism in our backyard again.
Should I take the leap and move or should I stay another year?
I feel like I’m drowning. How do I keep my head above the water as I keep moving forward?
Am I showing everyone the love, empathy, and grace that I should be?
Am I doing this co-parenting thing well?
Why am I doubting so much? I know God’s got this…
Jesus told his disciples in Matthew 21:21-22, (his answer after they asked how he was able to make the fig tree wither up so quickly)…
“Then Jesus told them, “I tell you the truth, if you have faith and don’t doubt, you can do things like this and much more. You can even say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen.
You can pray for anything, and if you have faith, you will receive it.”
There are times my soul feels dry because I am no longer connected to him the way I should be. I get annoyed that I’m still just staring at this dumb garage door that won’t open up. So I struggle to do the things on my own – I am allowing myself to wither up because the longer I wait the more I get caught up in the weeds. The weeds that want to choke and hinder me! I tear them away constantly, and as soon as I think I’m free one reaches up again and tries to keep me tethered to the worry, anxiety, and lies.
But God, He will never leave me in the weeds or standing at the door for too long. He always provides a way. I just need to keep my feet firmly planted in His truth.